Dear John,
I'm writing to you because I can't think of anything else to do. I feel like everything I'm feeling is trapped inside and I can't find a suitable outlet. I'm sorry this is the best I can do. I wish we could have talked more I can't help but think that if you had proper friends like me and you used to be then this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have resorted to this.
I cried last night. The thought of you feeling so alone that you would take your own life. I wish I could have been there for you, all you needed was someone to tell you that everything was going to be ok and that everything wasn't as bad as it seemed. I can't imagine what you must have been going through. Obviously I've heard various versions of the events but I still can't accept it. You were always so happy when I knew you, I remember we were such good friends. I saw you everyday and everyday would be awesome, it was the highlight of my day seeing you.
I loved you so much, it broke my heart when we never hooked up, but I guess it was for the best and I valued our friendship so much!
I can't help but imagine the details, apparently you shot yourself in your house, I can't understand why. I know you, I know you wouldn't have wanted a member of your family to find you. It's so desperate John, it's so beyond a call for help. Did you even think it through? You have hurt so many people by taking your own life. I can't tell you how much you've hurt me.
I was SO lucky to have known you and had you as one of my best friends, I wish we could have maintained that closeness but at the same time I also thank god that we drifted apart as I don't think I could have dealt with it if we had be as close as we once had been.
I'm glad I saw you recently, you were charming as ever and I would have loved to have caught up with you but we were both busy and went our seperate ways, but at least I am left with all the amazing memories I have of you, your hair, your smile, how you walked to my house when you were unhappy that time and how I used to stay on the bus for an extra 3 miles nd then walk home just so I could stay with you a little longer.
I love you John, I will never forget you and would never want to.
I will always have my memories and I hope that where you are now you are happy and not regretting the decision you made to leave us all.
Sleep well and peaceful
All my love
Alice
xxxxxxxxxx
